


Turn This Lullaby Into a Love Song

by Ad_Astra



Category: Free!
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-15
Updated: 2014-09-15
Packaged: 2018-02-17 11:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2308448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ad_Astra/pseuds/Ad_Astra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, Rin gave Sousuke dreams; now he's giving something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Turn This Lullaby Into a Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> It's still the 14th in other parts of the world, so... here's a short thing for the birthday boy. ♥

When Rin finally returns to their dorm, Sousuke is sitting on the bottom bunk, clutching an ice pack on his shoulder. He’s hunched over, remnants of the high from the relay slowly receding from the stiff line of his shoulders.

Sousuke sees him, nods, and starts to get up. “Sorry, I’ll head on up to my own bunk—“

“—Stay,” Rin says, the words spilling out his lips before he loses the courage to say them.

Sousuke looks at him for a few seconds, the sweeping movement of his eyes easily catching the apprehension surely written all over Rin's face, before quietly sitting back down. “Okay.”

Rin shuts the door and walks over to sit beside Sousuke. He leaves six inches of space between them. They don’t look at each other-- Rin staring at the dust on his shoes, Sousuke seemingly fascinated with Rin's impeccably tidy desk. For a long, arduous moment, neither of them speaks, and only the dim murmur of students in the corridors and the hum of the air conditioner fill the air.

It’s the first time that Rin has ever hesitated to talk to Sousuke, and he _hates_ it. Things have changed— _are still_ changing between them, and Rin doesn’t want this hesitation to be a part of it. They’ve come too far, made too many sacrifices to get here, and Rin will be damned if he’ll let Sousuke hide things from him again.

So he swallows past the lump in his throat and takes a deep breath. “Back in the woods…” he starts hesitantly. “Before the relay.” He stops himself, the words catching in his throat, when he feels the familiar clenching of his chest, an ache that seems to blossom upwards to his skull, like thick smoke against the back of his eyelids.

He’s been crying so much today, and all for different reasons. The first time was due to heartbreak, learning that Sousuke will never swim with him again after this last race. The second was out of combined sense of humility and the weight of expectation, because Sousuke had chosen to swim his last and most important race with him, laying his childhood aspirations aside, entrusting his wishes on the shooting star of Rin's dreams, one last burst of hope, one last chance to share Rin's vision, one last time to stand with Rin on equal ground.

The third was out of sheer happiness, because Rin _succeeded._ They lost to Iwatobi, but Rin won something far greater: it took him five years but Sousuke was able to see that sight Rin had always wanted him to see, even before this race, before Australia, before Haru and Iwatobi. 

This right now is the possible fourth time… and yet Rin cannot put a name to it.

“What about it?” Sousuke asks, finally turning to look at him. His expression is pensive, tense, eyes strangely defiant. Rin suddenly feels exposed and he averts his eyes towards the ice pack in Sousuke's clutches instead. It’s yellow, loud and obnoxiously bright as if trying to mask the damage beneath it.

He swallows, wipes his palms on his pants and tries again. “You said you wanted to swim with me,” he whispers. “To truly become my friend.”

Sousuke’s expression doesn’t change. “I did.”

“Your _friend_ ,” Rin repeats, his voice thick, watery around the edges. The six inches between them become four, Rin’s nails scratching against the cotton.

Sousuke looks at Rin, then at the space between them. Rin holds his breath, waiting for the answer to a question he never asked, a question he knows Sousuke understood all the same.

Then, the rigid line of Sousuke’s jaw relaxes, and he smiles, that fond, rueful smile he’s been giving Rin since they were kids, since he gave up his favourite ice pop for Rin, since he agreed to spend Christmas with Rin despite his runny, snotty nose, since he told Rin he's willing to wreck his shoulder if it means getting to swim with him again for one last time.

“Rin,” he says softly. “I’m _sorry._ ”

Rin doesn’t reply, but he moves, the fabric of his track pants catching against the wrinkles of his bed, and four inches become zero.

He finds Sousuke’s fingers on the icepack and pushes, slowly worming the back of his hand beneath Sousuke’s palm, until he’s holding the cold yellow bag and Sousuke’s holding on to his hand. Sousuke’s palm is still cold, damp, and the ice pack is even worse, but that’s not why shivers are rippling across Rin’s skin now.

Sousuke’s lips are dry, chapped, but they open easily, when Rin swipes his tongue between them, desperate and messy. Sousuke tastes like chlorine and soda, and perhaps the bitter tang of dreams rendered impossible. Rin’s heart is slamming against his ribs, pulse thundering in his ears, but he presses forward more insistently, until he can no longer taste the bitterness, until he only tastes the salt of his own tears on Sousuke’s lips.

When they part, Sousuke’s eyes are shuttered, the shadow of his lashes long under the dying afternoon light. His eyes are luminous and intent, full of wonder, like he’s finally found something he’s been searching for so long.

He smiles again, and this time, it’s the kind of smile that hurts Rin a little, in a way it hurts to stare directly at the sun. “I should’ve known… ” he murmurs, reaching up with his free hand to drag his thumb across Rin’s cheek, spreading wet tracks across the skin.  “…that I couldn’t lie to you.’”

Rin’s breath is stuttering out of him, mingling with the hot puffs of air from Sousuke’s mouth. “No,” he says, his voice surprisingly steady. He’s crying and he’s smiling, and he _can’t stop_. “So stop doing it.”

This time, Sousuke actually laughs, the sound of it soft and light, like cherry blossoms heralding the start of spring. And yet it closes around Rin like an iron fist around his heart, because he’s missed it _so much_ ; it makes him ache with the memories of simpler times, and how all those years had passed by without him hearing it.

“Okay,” Sousuke says after a while, and this time, it’s him who moves forward, to press his smile on Rin’s. The kiss is tender this time, unhurried, filled with rediscovered confidence, and Rin yields to it. He wants more, _needs_ more, but he lets Sousuke lead, because this time, it’s Rin’s turn to be patient. 

He reaches up and covers Sousuke’s hand, which is still cupping his cheek. Now he’s got one hand under Sousuke’s, alleviating the pain in his broken shoulder while the other hand rests on top of Sousuke’s, spreading wetness across face, a mutual panacea to their recent damages.

There is still ice under Rin’s palm, and tears under Sousuke’s thumb, yet all Rin feels is warmth and joy.

He thinks he finally knows why he’s crying this time.

~fin


End file.
